Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
