in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
