Your tits are I can't wait for
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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