I think I am morally bankrupt
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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