Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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