Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
