There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
