I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
