remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
