So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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