Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize