she woke up with a sticky ear
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My vagina is officially offended.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
