We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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