U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hate all girls vehemently.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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