White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
