I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
