just tell him i said nine months
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
