He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
