Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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