True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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