dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
