boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
