it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
