i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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