I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
