i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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