I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
