the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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