Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
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Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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