thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
