i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
