I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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