What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
