Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
