I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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