the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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