He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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