Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
