Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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