Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Randomize
