Sponge bath it is.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
