I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
