You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
