K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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