there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
