the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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