if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
