She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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