dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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