Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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