i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
