you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Everything about him screamed your future.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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