Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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