the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
