we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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