girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
