if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
