I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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