I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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