Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
