if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no, he came in my armpit
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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