she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
