why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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