I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
ok first of all what the fuck
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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