that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
