I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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