Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
