FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
