got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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