her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
wow bdsm is so cute
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
