She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
