i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
