forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
