Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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