I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what day is it and did you see me today?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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