mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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