I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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