I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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