we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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